Ah, the bureaucracy...

The United Methodist powers that be require several things of a person who wants to be officially admitted to the candidacy process for ordained ministry.  One of the things required is a credit check.

All you have to do is go to Equifax.com, pay $15.00, forward the report to the district office, and then you're done. Simple, right?

Wrong.

Here's the problem:
I have no credit.
I don't have a credit card, and I don't have any loans.
I also have no plans to get either of these any time in the next, oh, six years.

But, I still need a credit check, as well as a FICO score. Or at least some sort of certification that neither exist for me. Oh yeah, and it can't be any company other than Equifax.

My morning was spent on the phone with Equifax's customer service representatives trying to explain that I needed a credit check even though I have no credit.

It's still not resolved.

Want to know the district office's solution? Their advice was to: "Get in debt and then pay it off really fast."  Um, no.

Oy.

If only I had a quarter for every time I heard, "We've never had this problem before..."  I'd be rich.

Comments

[Questing Parson]

Dear Natalie --

On behalf of the Parson's Fund for the Destitute United Methodist Students, I write to thank you for the prompt repayment of the one dollar and sixty-seven cents we loaned you recently.

Your prompt repayment of this debt is certainly a positive reflection of your sense of responsibility in financial matters. I am proud to announce that we have extended you a superior credit rating with our fund.

In light of the elevated status in which we hold your credit worthiness please feel free to contact us again for future financial needs.

Yours truly,

Questing Parson
CEO
The Parson's Fund

.................................

Please cut at the dotted line and send a copy of this correspondence to Equifax. If you feel conflicted about this ruse, send me $1.67

[Allen G]

You can say you owe money to the Epting Speedboat Gas Kitty.

[Susan AG]

I have an idea: why not borrow all those quarters and then pay them back over time?? Then you'd have to get credit. Foolproof, right?

[DogBlogger]

Let me be serious for a minute: Shortly after I turned 18, I got my first and only credit card. I charged just a few things a month -- things I would've been able to pay for with cash or check -- and paid off the entire balance each billing cycle. I still do that. When I bought a house at age 24, my credit score was the best anyone at the mortgage company had ever seen.

Also seriously: How stupid is this policy if there's no room for someone with a credit history like yours? You are SO Wesleyan!

[Mark]

DogBlogger is absolutely right. My wife and I both did the same thing. The only thing that keeps our credit score from being perfect is that the credit card companies have extended us enough credit to buy two cars (not that we ever get NEAR that on the balance, which will STILL pay in full every month).

Buying a car:
Me: Don't worry about the credit, I have excellent credit.
Dealer: Please sign this form with your SS# so that we can run a credit check.
... 5 minutes go by ...
Dealer: You're right. You have no credit problems. We can match that rate from your credit union today.

[Mark]

BTW - we've only paid credit card interest once or twice in the last 20+ years, and that only when we did a cash withdrawal (once when I needed quick cash in college, and once for purchasing foreign currency before going to Europe). And we've NEVER paid a late fee that they didn't credit back because of THEIR error.

[Mary Ann]

Oh, wow.

Now finishing my second year of probation-excuse-me-provisionality, I've encountered a lot of ordination highjinks that are foolish and counterproductive, but the proposed solution to this one's exceptionally daft.

[ymp]

Ahh, the challenges of being young in ministry. I wish for you that this was the end of them.

[Mary Ann]

...so how'd that end up working out?

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