Take My Hand

Why I've Given Up On Youth Group

I've had this post's title rolling around in my head for a number of days now.  Originally, I wasn't even going to come close to actually writing this.  I figured it was too big of an opportunity for me to not get my words out straight and thus offend people.  But, like so many times the personal truth in my title won't leave me alone.  I have to share: 

I've always been frustrated with my youth group and youth groups in general.  Am I completely knocking the youth group model of ministry? No.  But, I do believe that it too often and too easily becomes a place to entertain.  Youth group morphs into a social club disguised verbally as "fellowship time",  exclusive cliques form, and God ceases to be the obvious focus.  Once this happens, it's terribly difficult for the people deeply invested in the group to acknowledge.

  Now.   I am not saying there is no place for fellowship or fun stuff or games or just chillin' with folks.  What I am saying is that youth group should be and can be more than it is often allowed to be.

Youth are more willing to 'dive deeper' than one might think.  As Dr. Faith Kirkham-Hawkins (Emory professor of Youth and Religion, as well as YTI's Director)  put it in a seminar she led at a N. GA Conference event,  "Teenagers are showing up to youth  group, and they're coming in droves.  But, they're still dying inside."   How good of a job are we doing at bringing them Life?

This past Wednesday was my first time back to youth group since having been gone for the summer.  To put it simply,  it left me terribly upset, angry and sad.  At one point I had to get up and go stand out in the hallway to collect myself.

We played games for a good while, sang songs for a very good while and prayed once.  This isn't just a description of a one time event at youth group either,  it's pretty indicative of what goes on generally.  Youth deserve more than that.  Youth need more than that.  And, I know for a fact that it's not just me who feels this way.  And it's not just because I am an 'older' youth.   We deserve more and we need more.

I realize that my frustration with youth groups -- and only a smidgen of it is mentioned here -- is seen in context of my own personal experience.   Though I am not coming at this from a specific single local church's perspective, my perspective is shaped mainly by larger membership churches.  And, honestly I think that is a huge contributing factor.

My main worry in all of this is that I don't know if I can, or even if I should, try to play a role in bringing about change.   I do know though that the best I can do personally at the present is to keep my mouth shut until I can figure things out and responsibly act not out of negative emotion.

So, until further notice I've given up on going to youth group.

Most every Sunday morning you will find me in a pew -- hymnal, Bible and church bulletin in hand -- in my home church's sanctuary.  Come September, every Wednesday evening you will find me, in a room full of adults, as a member of a 'Christian Believer' (part of the UMC's Disciple curriculum) class.  And, I'm perfectly happy with my conclusion.  I can't say that I'm content (dare I say that we as Christians will never be content?), but I can say that I'm at peace.

Obviously

I've been back from YTI for a while now, and have obviously avoided posting much about it.  So here goes:

I could list all of the things that  I did -- like studying American Religious Radicalism,  going all over the place to 'churches' that I will never set foot in again so long as I live,  playing Ultimate Frisbee on the Quad,  planning worship services in Cannon chapel,  listening to Dr. Robert Franklin lecture,  watching everything from Fight Club to Paradise Now to Dr. Strangelove, discussing the Palestine/Israel conflict, discussing sexism and gender roles. . . I could go on forever -- and yet the breadth and the depth of what I experienced in my month at Emory would not even begin to be portrayed.

One of the challenging things about coming 'back' from YTI has been the fact that it cannot be explained.  It's something that one has to have experienced in order to understand.

The closest I can come in explaining what I experienced is to say that for 4 weeks I had the joy of living life in the world of my dreams. 

It's tough to be in the real world now; having lived this summer the possibility of what life can be,   I ache for that possibility to become all of the world's reality.

There is so much more to say, I can't even write anymore right now.  I'm tempted to just click the delete button as I've done so many times before because this short post only gives YTI 1/10000000000000  of a drop of justice.  But, something is better than nothing and maybe God will fill in the gaps.

I'll try again soon.

A Ritual To Read To Each Other

If you don't know the kind of person I am and I don't know the kind of person you are a pattern that others made may prevail in the world and following the wrong god home we may miss our star. For there is many a small betrayal in the mind, a shrug that lets the fragile sequence break sending with shouts the horrible errors of childhood storming out to play through the broken dyke. And as elephants parade holding each elephant's tail, but if one wanders the circus won't find the park, I call it cruel and maybe the root of all cruelty to know what occurs but not recognize the fact. And so I appeal to a voice, to something shadowy, a remote important region in all who talk: though we could fool each other, we should consider— lest the parade of our mutual life get lost in the dark. For it is important that awake people be awake, or a breaking line may discourage them back to sleep; the signals we give—yes or no, or maybe— should be clear: the darkness around us is deep.

—William Stafford

Since I've been encouraged to post more (thanks beth),   I thought I'd re-post something I wrote in response to a comment asking my opinion on " what the church needs to do to recapture . . . hearts of the next generation? " .   Here are my (albeit very brief) thoughts:

Honestly, I think that the church needs to try to be the church Christ would have us be.  That is the ultimate tool that would move -- and is moving -- the Church towards relevance in the lives of young people.

Authenticity is something that 'captures' the hearts and minds of young people today; to be 'real' draws people in. We (as young people) are looking for folks to be honest and open about their lives and about Jesus. I believe that many more young people than one would think 'know' the Gospel or what the Gospel is about. But, like Gandhi, young people don't have so much a problem with Christ. It's those -- or many of those -- that call themselves Christian that present a problem.

I don't think we desperately need new songs in worship or new leadership,  necessarily.   We don't need newly developed programs, or "hip" teachers.   Although, certainly these things and others surely would not be unwelcome.

I think the key thing ( and, as Thomas Merton said, "Here I stand. But, I may be wrong!")  is not to worry so much about 'pleasing young people' or attracting young people' as much as we as the church worry about pleasing our God.

Our God is real and alive. Our Christ lived on our Earth with us. The Holy Spirit is present. That, is what young people want to hear.   And they/we know what a radical thing that is. We want to see it lived out by those who say they Believe.

Seeing real authentic people -- with all of the struggles that come along with being in sin-- meet Christ -- with all of the joy, atonement, Love, and glory -- in every day life would and is capturing the hearts and minds and souls of the "next generation".

17

Well -- what can I say -- today's my 17th birthday and I'm fishing for Happy Birthday wishes!