At Annual Conference this year I joined Shari in her favorite past time of listening for quotes that strike her (us) as either odd, inappropriate, funny, so true they make you want to cry, lies, etc…
Some require a little history; don't worry about it if you don't get it or it doesn't make sense. It didn't make sense to us either. All of the following quotes were made within the bar of the Conference at a microphone:
“We all know we can’t misquote the Discipline.”
“If the local church ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”
“I’m all crinkly, bald, and grey headed- glad that none of you delegates are.” (when in fact perhaps 70% of our delegates are retired)
“As we Methodists do, we are moving slowly and very deliberately.”
“Alcoholics Amomonous.”
“Too many of our churches who have not had one profession of faith in the last year- it breaks my heart and they should take the name church off their sign.”
“No DS wants to touch a woman.”
“We just aren’t excited enough for Jesus.”
“I can tell by the authors of this Resolution that none of them are military veterans because there are mostly women listed.”
“We want to look like a BIG conference, and a BIG church.”
“At times we need to forget who we are.”
“As I look out at the audience, I feel like a mosquito in a nudist colony.”
“Bishop- I figured out what I want on my tombstone- “please don’t move me anymore”.
“We’re starting a new church in Las Vegas.”
“Let’s say he went to a great appointment straight out of the butt.”
“My wife graduated Cum Laude from law school, I graduated ‘Praise de Lordy’.”
“I think we’ve got some that aren’t the touchy, feely type.”
“If we could put an end to same sex marriages- we could solve the AIDS problem.”
ht to Shari
Why do you mock the staring of a new church in Vegas? Are you aware that there are 2 million people here -- the majority of which don't visit casinos?
Posted by: Disciple | July 07, 2006 at 04:29 PM
Wait -- saying we don't visit the casinos was inaccurate. The best movie theaters and restaurants are found within the casinos -- but we aren't all hopeless gamblers and drunks -- though even if we were, would we not deserve a church?
Posted by: Disciple | July 07, 2006 at 04:35 PM
First off, I would like to say that I am not mocking anything. Read the first paragraph of the post. These were quotes that I found "odd, inappropriate, funny, so true they make you want to cry, lies, etc…". I'm just recording here the things that struck me as such.
I do not think everyone -- or even the majority of people -- in Las Vegas are "gamblers" or "drunks". I definitely agree with you that everyone deserves a church. Not only does everyone deserve a church though, everyone needs a church.
Peace to you, Disciple.
Posted by: natalie | July 08, 2006 at 03:18 PM